All I ever wanted when I moved into this apartment back in July of 2006, was a place to stay for 3 months until i found something on my own. After 4 months, my roommate let me stay indefinitely. When he moved out it became mine with a boyfriend, long before I was ready to live with a boyfriend. 2 dogs and a million fights later we broke up, and my best friend of 7 years moved in. I almost gave it all up in February of this year. The rent control. The convenience of West Hollywood. The shot at my own home.. Now I'm glad I didn't.
As unbelievably sad as I am that Ry moved out of state at 4am, this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Ugly, ugly cry this morning at the airport followed by all-day panic attacks and naps led me to move back into the smaller and softer room, turn the master into an amazing office, pick up groceries, and even make fruit salad.
Each room still holds physical pieces of my 5 years here that I cannot let go of: Kevin's bath mat. Aaron's bookshelves. Jasons chocolate bowl. And ryan's canned food and Midevil Times cups from his 30th. The floors were laid with love with funding from our creative hard work. The iced coffee recipe has been perfected with our weekly trial and error. And the patio? Remains unused except by cricket to tan like an Italian tourist lady. And for the first times since I moved in a half decade ago, the history of this space makes me proud. It's mine. On my own. The dogs have a bed in each room. I have a bathtub or a shower, my choice every morning. I can keep hoarding Christmas gifts for years. And I can kind of even afford the rent...kind of. I cant go out anymore, but party's at my house y'all. Bring a casserole and Charles Shaw. I got a pool. And parking's free after 6.
I'm so grateful. I'm so proud. I listened to what I knew was right for me. And the world is answering with love. It works if you pay attention.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
James Frey Interview
I loved James Frey's new book so much that I had to meet him somehow and tell him, so we did a LAMBDA interview that has just been posted.
The greatest moment of the interview happened on the question of when James feels "most free." His answer changed the way I look at art forever, both as a viewer and as a performer. The goal, I believe now is to be so good, that your art sets people free.
In 2003, I was 100 pounds overweight and closeted when I walked into a bookstore and picked up A Million Little Pieces. It quickly became my obsession: this book about a drug addict struggling so hard to get better. I learned quickly that addiction to drugs, or in my case food, was really about shame--about not wanting to acknowledge difficult feelings, and about being afraid to live as who I was. I cite A Million Little Pieces as one of the main igniters of my 100 pound weight loss and thus, my coming out as a gay person, to my family and myself. Hope you like the piece.
Friday, June 24, 2011
White House - Gay Marriage - NY
Post "Be Like NY" on the White House's Facebook page now. And share with friends. :)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Dinner
Last week, I went out to dinner with an ex. We had been trying to get together for about a year but our schedules could never mash up.
He was someone I met when I came to LA in 2005 and had $22 left in my pocket as I waited to hear if I had been cast on the new version of I've got a secret for Game Show Network. I had no home. I lived in my friends moms her alice office, behind a partition, on an air mattress. I spent that last $22 on a beer and a vodka cranberry on a Sunday night at mickeys. Thats when I met the guy we shall call Ron.
Ron was hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. We hit it off because of this. He was hot. And I liked hot.
Otherwise, not a lot there. Ron talked about show business and his plans of taking over the industry. We talked about his celebrity friends. We talked about various fights he'd had with old friends. We watched American Idol. We had great sex. And very loving pillow talk. Ron cooked for me. And once or twice he bought me groceries. And dinner at chipotle. I was on the verge of homelessness, I didn't get the part, and my boyfriend whom I hated, was buying me a carnitas burrito.
But it wasn't the right fit. And I realized that when I found out he had a boyfriend.
So I ended it, but really, it never really was, I suppose. I was scared and broke and sad but relieved. I kind of hated being with him unless we were eating or fucking so over a final burrito bol i told him it was over. No more sour cream for us. He was upset about this. He didn't understand why I wasn't more patient. Why it was all about me. Why after everything he'd done, I was just going to bail. I mean, the idol finale was next week, and he'd much rather watch it with me than with Jim.
But we've stayed in touch. He's single now, and exactly the same otherwise. Dinner was a conversation about his new ventures, his family, etc. At one point he asked me if I still live on Sweetzer. Otherwise, he may have forgotten my name. I think I heard him say "later, Seth" after we hugged.
Regardless, I made a vow that one day, I would take him to dinner, and that we would have expensive food. And I would definitely pay, and I would tell him it wasn't because I was trying to get laid, but because it was a marker of how far I'd come. How I was now independent. That I was paying him back by showing him that he helped keep me here when I almost had to leave in those first few weeks, without a dime in my pocket and now, I'm a writer, and a comic, and I work in tv, and I gladiated, and started a movement, and don't forget about my cute little doggies.
When I told him this, that i survived, and dinner was my token of thanks for his help, he said he didn't remember that he paid, ever for anything. And "why is it always about you."
He kind of had a point.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
He was someone I met when I came to LA in 2005 and had $22 left in my pocket as I waited to hear if I had been cast on the new version of I've got a secret for Game Show Network. I had no home. I lived in my friends moms her alice office, behind a partition, on an air mattress. I spent that last $22 on a beer and a vodka cranberry on a Sunday night at mickeys. Thats when I met the guy we shall call Ron.
Ron was hot. Hot. Hot. Hot. We hit it off because of this. He was hot. And I liked hot.
Otherwise, not a lot there. Ron talked about show business and his plans of taking over the industry. We talked about his celebrity friends. We talked about various fights he'd had with old friends. We watched American Idol. We had great sex. And very loving pillow talk. Ron cooked for me. And once or twice he bought me groceries. And dinner at chipotle. I was on the verge of homelessness, I didn't get the part, and my boyfriend whom I hated, was buying me a carnitas burrito.
But it wasn't the right fit. And I realized that when I found out he had a boyfriend.
So I ended it, but really, it never really was, I suppose. I was scared and broke and sad but relieved. I kind of hated being with him unless we were eating or fucking so over a final burrito bol i told him it was over. No more sour cream for us. He was upset about this. He didn't understand why I wasn't more patient. Why it was all about me. Why after everything he'd done, I was just going to bail. I mean, the idol finale was next week, and he'd much rather watch it with me than with Jim.
But we've stayed in touch. He's single now, and exactly the same otherwise. Dinner was a conversation about his new ventures, his family, etc. At one point he asked me if I still live on Sweetzer. Otherwise, he may have forgotten my name. I think I heard him say "later, Seth" after we hugged.
Regardless, I made a vow that one day, I would take him to dinner, and that we would have expensive food. And I would definitely pay, and I would tell him it wasn't because I was trying to get laid, but because it was a marker of how far I'd come. How I was now independent. That I was paying him back by showing him that he helped keep me here when I almost had to leave in those first few weeks, without a dime in my pocket and now, I'm a writer, and a comic, and I work in tv, and I gladiated, and started a movement, and don't forget about my cute little doggies.
When I told him this, that i survived, and dinner was my token of thanks for his help, he said he didn't remember that he paid, ever for anything. And "why is it always about you."
He kind of had a point.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
You Will Heal
There is an unreal sense of healing that human beings experience that I can't sum up in a simple word. I know this because this week, someone I know and care about very much is facing the reality of betrayal and it's immediate aftermath: shock, survival, discovery, humiliation, and unworthiness. And i went through this, more than once, and i am so much better. We have all been betrayed, and it makes us so angry. We sit in anger for days and months, sometimes even years but forgiveness comes and it heals.
The shock comes from having trusted, from believing in the innocence of an intention, while another's double life was hidden, and a stronger force than the bond we shared, and that seems impossible. The survival is in splitting the house or the friends or the pets or the bills, in making sure we haven't been hurt deeper than just the emotional. It's calling banks or doctors or lawyers. It's buying new furniture. It's trying to leave with more dignity than what the truth revealed. The discovery is in what actually happened. How the lie really went, and friends will tell you they suspected all along, or had heard this or that. Maybe you piece together missing pieces of old stories, or maybe, as was my case, a third party confessed. The humiliation and unworthiness is all the same. I wasn't good enough to be told the truth. I wasn't good enough to be enough. And now, everyone knows. And I am a fat son of a fuck.
And it makes you angry, but you can't scream and you can't cry, because you want to be the bigger man, and you don't want to keep being the victim. And you don't want this to be how you identify or how other people identify you. But it feels endless. Everywhere you look you see an accomplice. You speak to the betrayer alone in the shower. every morning, you replay the final conversation and how you should have said it to really have left them breathless, like you still are now.
And then, you start to heal. You walk a little taller the first time someone tells you that you have pretty eyes. You run into an old friend who reminds you of how fun you can be. You pay your bills. You ask questions and go to therapy. You sleep and you wake up, over and over again. And you meet people who you trust. And you meet people you don't trust, and now for the first time, you can tell the difference between these two types of people.
You fall in love again. You run into the betrayer and you literally feel nothing. Not sad, not happy, not mad, not fat, not thin, not scared, not competitive, you just feel...fine.
You remember a good time, and you smile, and that good time involved the person who hurt you: your mother, your ex, your friend, your boss, and you send them a note to say thanks for this memory. And you mean it, and you feel good offering gratitude and letting them know that you release them of guilt, or blame, or worry about it all.
But you know you have healed when it happens to someone you love, and you can share your recovery, and you say the words (only to yourself), "the person who hurt my friend is not evil, not void of goodness, but fucked up back then. And I have compassion for the betrayer, because they fucked it up."
Out loud to your friend you say, "I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so excited to watch you grow right now, because the death of this relationship will make you a Phoenix, a Hulk, a Bloomin Onion, and I get to watch you smile again. And I promise you this, it will get better than it ever was or has been. And I know this because I am. I mean for gods sakes, I'm 165 pounds."
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
The shock comes from having trusted, from believing in the innocence of an intention, while another's double life was hidden, and a stronger force than the bond we shared, and that seems impossible. The survival is in splitting the house or the friends or the pets or the bills, in making sure we haven't been hurt deeper than just the emotional. It's calling banks or doctors or lawyers. It's buying new furniture. It's trying to leave with more dignity than what the truth revealed. The discovery is in what actually happened. How the lie really went, and friends will tell you they suspected all along, or had heard this or that. Maybe you piece together missing pieces of old stories, or maybe, as was my case, a third party confessed. The humiliation and unworthiness is all the same. I wasn't good enough to be told the truth. I wasn't good enough to be enough. And now, everyone knows. And I am a fat son of a fuck.
And it makes you angry, but you can't scream and you can't cry, because you want to be the bigger man, and you don't want to keep being the victim. And you don't want this to be how you identify or how other people identify you. But it feels endless. Everywhere you look you see an accomplice. You speak to the betrayer alone in the shower. every morning, you replay the final conversation and how you should have said it to really have left them breathless, like you still are now.
And then, you start to heal. You walk a little taller the first time someone tells you that you have pretty eyes. You run into an old friend who reminds you of how fun you can be. You pay your bills. You ask questions and go to therapy. You sleep and you wake up, over and over again. And you meet people who you trust. And you meet people you don't trust, and now for the first time, you can tell the difference between these two types of people.
You fall in love again. You run into the betrayer and you literally feel nothing. Not sad, not happy, not mad, not fat, not thin, not scared, not competitive, you just feel...fine.
You remember a good time, and you smile, and that good time involved the person who hurt you: your mother, your ex, your friend, your boss, and you send them a note to say thanks for this memory. And you mean it, and you feel good offering gratitude and letting them know that you release them of guilt, or blame, or worry about it all.
But you know you have healed when it happens to someone you love, and you can share your recovery, and you say the words (only to yourself), "the person who hurt my friend is not evil, not void of goodness, but fucked up back then. And I have compassion for the betrayer, because they fucked it up."
Out loud to your friend you say, "I am so sorry for your loss. And I am so excited to watch you grow right now, because the death of this relationship will make you a Phoenix, a Hulk, a Bloomin Onion, and I get to watch you smile again. And I promise you this, it will get better than it ever was or has been. And I know this because I am. I mean for gods sakes, I'm 165 pounds."
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Weeeeeee Up The Hill
I've never felt this close to a version of success that I dreamed of as a kid. I just had to share that with you. It feels so close, and this is the most fun I've had climbing the hill.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Newnessness
I am in a state of panic today.
It is a real sense of loss that is entering my life these days. My best friend is pregnant. My best gay is leaving town. Oprah is leaving daytime.
For the past two years, these three people have been my various shoulders as I moved in and out of my own transitions. They are the people (well, Oprah and I never chatted, but I wrote to her) who saw the worst of me, heard me gripe at my pettiest, listened to me scream at the injustices of betrayal and workplace tyranny, and saw me cry at the fear of being unloved. And soon, I have to say goodbye to the way I have known them and support them in their pursuit of their missions. And I'm happy for them, and proud of them, but all of a sudden I feel very, very alone.
Did you know that a worm is the only animal that you can cut in half that continues to grow? I read that yesterday in The Book of Awakenings (an Oprah Favorite Thing, duh) and I wanted to feel hopeful, but I don't. I feel cut in half left to bake on the sidewalk, because I don't know how to navigate life without an emergency call during the crises that arise to say, "I don't know how to quit this job" or "why won't he call me back?" or "am I liable?" or "She's gone missing and her phone is off and she left my dad, and frankly, I don't care. Is that wrong?"
In under two months, I will be living alone. I will be an Uncle. I will be thin, as I am now. I will have a new car still. I will be living in a clean house with new shoes. I will have perspective on things I used to not understand. My doggies will be happy and healthy. But still, I will be alone. For the first time ever, I will be alone in a house that I've shared continuously with various friends, partners, and roommates for five years.
There will no longer be a person who I can rely on to tell me it's all going to be ok. That I am good enough as is. And this is painful and makes me very nervous. Because for the first time, I'll have to tell myself this, and be convincing and trusting enough to allow it to breathe.
It is a real sense of loss that is entering my life these days. My best friend is pregnant. My best gay is leaving town. Oprah is leaving daytime.
For the past two years, these three people have been my various shoulders as I moved in and out of my own transitions. They are the people (well, Oprah and I never chatted, but I wrote to her) who saw the worst of me, heard me gripe at my pettiest, listened to me scream at the injustices of betrayal and workplace tyranny, and saw me cry at the fear of being unloved. And soon, I have to say goodbye to the way I have known them and support them in their pursuit of their missions. And I'm happy for them, and proud of them, but all of a sudden I feel very, very alone.
Did you know that a worm is the only animal that you can cut in half that continues to grow? I read that yesterday in The Book of Awakenings (an Oprah Favorite Thing, duh) and I wanted to feel hopeful, but I don't. I feel cut in half left to bake on the sidewalk, because I don't know how to navigate life without an emergency call during the crises that arise to say, "I don't know how to quit this job" or "why won't he call me back?" or "am I liable?" or "She's gone missing and her phone is off and she left my dad, and frankly, I don't care. Is that wrong?"
In under two months, I will be living alone. I will be an Uncle. I will be thin, as I am now. I will have a new car still. I will be living in a clean house with new shoes. I will have perspective on things I used to not understand. My doggies will be happy and healthy. But still, I will be alone. For the first time ever, I will be alone in a house that I've shared continuously with various friends, partners, and roommates for five years.
There will no longer be a person who I can rely on to tell me it's all going to be ok. That I am good enough as is. And this is painful and makes me very nervous. Because for the first time, I'll have to tell myself this, and be convincing and trusting enough to allow it to breathe.
Friday, May 20, 2011
RIP, Macho Man
Saddest day ever. One of my heroes has died. Thank you for the elbow drops, Randy Savage. You will be missed.
"OHHHHH YEAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Coverage:
Time Magazine
Fox Sports
e! Online
Tribute from Lanny Poffo, brother of Randy Savage
Randy Savage Wikipedia
WWE SUPERSTAR TWITTERS:
John Cena: “CeNation. The untimely passing of Randy Savage is indeed tragic. All true fans of wrestling will mourn this loss. One of the all time greats.”
Christian:“Sad 2 hear about "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Only met him once briefly. No doubt 1 of the best & influenced so many performers you see today RIP”
WWE Hall of Famer Shawn Michaels: “@IAmJericho jus txt me the news. We've lost one of the greats!! Our prayers go out to the family & friends of Randy Savage.”
WWE Hall of Famer "Stone Cold" Steve Austin: "Just heard about Macho Man Randy Savage... Unmatched intensity in the ring. A hellacious performer and terrific promo. A real bad ass. RIP." The Rock: “Today Team Bring It will celebrate a life – we will kick ass and chase greatness #OOHHYEEEAAAHHH style!”
WWE Hall of Famer "Rowdy" Roddy Pipper: "Too SAD TO TWEET."
Chris Jericho: "Randy Savage was a true influence and inspiration to me and taught me some very important lessons, in and out of the ring. Rest in peace, Mach."
WWE Hall of Famer Howard Finkel: “I am profoundly saddened by the passing of one of the all-time greats, “Macho Man” Randy Savage. My condolences go out to the Poffo family."
WWE Hall of Famer Bret "Hitman" Hart: “I have no words to say. This one hits me hard. We lost one of the best.” This sums it up.”
WWE Hall of Famer Jim Ross: Just heard Macho Man died this morning of a heart attack while driving his vehicle in Tampa. Condolences to all Randy Savage fans/family.
Rey Mysterio: “RIP Macho Man Randy Savage! Doing promotion in Seattle for Over the Limit PPV, was asked earlier today at a radio station. Who would I of loved to wrestle from back in da day? I said would of loved to hit it off in a 3ple threat, Macho Man, Ricky the Dragon, and myself! RIP RMS!”
Joey Styles: "There's no other way for me to celebrate the life & career of The Macho Man than to let him keep entertaining me.VIDEO: http://bit.ly/lZLBj8"
Wade Barrett: “Bow to the kingdom of the madness. RIP Macho Man, amazing performer.”
Justin Roberts: “Macho Man... Simply awesome. Incredible and entertaining in everything he did. One of the best ever. RIP.”
Zack Ryder: “RIP MACHO MAN. One of my favorites and one of the best of all time. DIG IT!”
Curt Hawkins: “I carry this picture in my gear bag ... 7-year-old Hawkins & my 1st tag team partner. RIP Macho Man.”
Goldust: “Prayers go out to Randy Savage’s family … God be with them in this tough time.”
William Regal: “Just heard of the passing of Randy Savage. A one-of-a-kind great performer. RIP.”
Vickie Guerrero: “RIP Randy Macho Man Savage. My prayers are to your family.”
Ezekiel Jackson: “Whoa... Just heard about macho man Randy Savage... God bless the family, the wrestling world just lost one of the greatest ever... R.I.P”
Natalya: “My prayers are with Randy Savage and his family right now.”
JTG: “To one of my favorite Hall of Famers, inducted or not. Macho Man Randy Savage. R.I.P OOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEAH !”
Beth Phoenix: "No words for this very sad day. Condolences to Randy Savage's family, friends and millions of fans." #MachoMan
Darren Young: “JUST like that! Life can end. Tell those close to ya that you love them cause ya never know! RIP Macho Man.”
Ricardo Rodriguez: “Thoughts go to Randy Savage's family. Definitely an amazing talent and a great inspiration to many. Can never forget Savage vs Steamboat.”
Yoshi Tatsu: “The Macho Man Randy Savage is one of my heroes when I was childhood and one of the best of all time. Rest in peace.”
Jack Korpela: “Hogan vs. Savage at WrestleMania V was the match that got me hooked on WWE as a kid. RIP “Macho Man” Randy Savage. My condolences.”
Trish Stratus: “Rest in peace. Randy – my first inspiration in the ring. My prayers & condolences to the Savage family.”
Bill DeMott: “When I got my start in WCW it was Randy that gave me the rub... My prayers and thoughts to the Poffo Family .”
Lucky Cannon: “My respect and condolence goes out to a true iconic figure the Macho Man Randy Savage and his family!”
Torrie Wilson: "Just heard the news of Macho Man Randy Savage passing... Rest in peace, Randy."
Mark Henry: "Wow family, one of my favorites is gone! Rest well (Randy Savage) you will be missed."
The Bella Twins: "Very sad to hear about Macho Man... His family is in our thoughts & prayers... Truly an amazin' & captivatin' man!"
Titus O'Neil: "My prayers go out to the family, friends & former colleagues of WWE Superstar Randy "Macho Man" Savage who passed away this morning. God Bless."
Scott Stanford: "Sorry to hear about the Macho Man! He was one of the best!"
Kharma: "In utter shock about Macho Man. So much charisma in one soul."
Lilian Garcia: "Just heard the news about "Macho Man" Randy Savage passing away. So sad. RIP Randy. My prayers go out to your friends & family."
Byron Saxton: "Randy Savage, may you Rest In Peace. Thank You for the memories an here's to an eternal Oooooh Yeahhh! God Bless."
Gail Kim: "RIP macho man. Thank u 4 all the great yrs u gave us.u were part of the reason I loved wrestling...what u did 4 all ... http://tmi.me/aqJ68"
Celebrity reactions:
TV personality Ryan Seacrest: “RIP Macho Man Randy Savage... loved watching him in the ring growing up. Oooooh yeeeah! http://bit.ly/jvssAd”
ESPN’s Michelle Beadle: “Just to remember one of the baddest: http://tinyurl.com/ywfdze. Macho Man.”
Actress Alyssa Milano: “Rest in peace, Macho Man Randy Savage.”
Singer Rob Thomas: “RIP RANDY "MACHO MAN" SAVAGE.”
TV personality Maria Menounos: “RIP Macho Man Randy Savage.”
ESPN’s Bill Simmons: “RIP, Randy Poffo aka Randy "Macho Man" Savage aka one of the greatest pro wrestlers who ever lived.”
The U.S. national soccer team’s Jozy Atlidore: “Macho Man was that dude! RIP Randy Savage. #ooooohyeeeeah”
NBA player Marcus Camby: “RIP Randy Macho Man Savage. Ooooooooooooh. Yeaaaahhhhhh.”
Jacksonville Jaguars player Kirk Morrison: “Ooooooohhhhhhhh Yeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhh (Macho Man voice)”
Houston Texans NFL player Brian Cushing: “RIP Macho Man Randy Savage.”
Actor and singer Donnie Wahlberg: “#RIPMachoMan”
Monday, May 16, 2011
From My Oprah Shower Invitation
Ladies ladies ladies,
We are just 9 days away from the finale, which I have taken off for as a religious holiday. Amy is bringing the Donald trump/Mira lago turkey burger balls, Rachel is bringing Oprahs favorite pomegranate martini, I am providing the panini love sandwich that she makes Stedman. Your task is to find an Oprah recipe and bring it for her farewell show at my house. Monkey Bread anyone? Maybe a Jessica Seinfeld spinach brownie? How bout some awful Kathy Freston vegan casserole? Cmon you know you want to bring something from the Paula Dean episodes! The party starts at 7, with the episode airing after all of our vaginas have been neatly prepared with Kleenex to catch the tears, unless you want it all to fly out like butterflies like that girl in Beloved.
Wednesday, May 25.
Think I'll Run On,
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
We are just 9 days away from the finale, which I have taken off for as a religious holiday. Amy is bringing the Donald trump/Mira lago turkey burger balls, Rachel is bringing Oprahs favorite pomegranate martini, I am providing the panini love sandwich that she makes Stedman. Your task is to find an Oprah recipe and bring it for her farewell show at my house. Monkey Bread anyone? Maybe a Jessica Seinfeld spinach brownie? How bout some awful Kathy Freston vegan casserole? Cmon you know you want to bring something from the Paula Dean episodes! The party starts at 7, with the episode airing after all of our vaginas have been neatly prepared with Kleenex to catch the tears, unless you want it all to fly out like butterflies like that girl in Beloved.
Wednesday, May 25.
Think I'll Run On,
Sean
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
My typical Monday thru Friday
My food/exercise plan for the last six weeks has generally looked like this Monday thru Friday afternoon. The food plan was adapted from The 17 Day Diet, which was way too strict for me but what I've modified it to really feels good.
Wake up 6AM - 6:30AM
Dog walk for 30 minutes.
90 pushups and 90 crunches
Between 7-8AM
giant glass of black iced coffee
giant glass of green/white mint iced tea (Trader Joes)
2 hard boiled eggs, 1/2 cup turkey chili or 2 tablespoons of three layer hummus in a mini whole wheat tortilla
8:30 AM
Vitamin Water zero
1 giant glass of water
10:45-11AM
8-10 red grapes or a minneola or a tangelo or a blood orange
1 giant glass of water
1PM
Turkey Pepperoni panini sandwich with JR's BBQ Sauce or Emeril's horseradish mustard and lots of mixed greens and crimini mushrooms on low sodium Ezekiel bread
1 giant glass of water
1:15/1:30PM
10 minute dog walk
3:30 PM
Double protein greek yogurt with 1/2 cup mixed frozen berries or blueberries or strawberries and 1/2 cup frozen mango chunks or pineapple chunks plus one splenda packet
1 giant glass of water
5PM
1 red delicious apple
7PM
mixed green salad with lots of lettuce, 2 servings lean chicken, and shredded cabbage with two tablespoons Newman's Own balsamic dressing.
1 giant glass of water
7:20/7:45PM
dog walk
30 minutes
8:15/8:30PM
Barrys Bootcamp or weight lifting at the gym or a 5K run for 45 minutes to an hour
9:30PM
2 scoops chocolate mint Isopure protein powder in 12 oz cold water
10:45PM
Sleep
CARBS
When I have tons of carbs in the morning, I'm finding that I stay in a very normal, good mood all day. And, according to most of my weight management sources, tapering off late in the day is a good idea, so I try to have my last grain-based carbs around 2PM at the latest. Everything else is fruit, which allows me that sweetness I crave late in the day.
BOOZE
Due to my elderly age, I don't drink as much anymore, because it makes me hurt for three days to have more than 2 drinks, and really two drinks hurts a lot for a day. So when I do drink that is reserved for Friday night only so I'm not still crabby and ghostly by Monday.
WEEKEND EATING
On Friday night I eat whatever I want. The same is true all day Saturday and Sunday I'm back on track, but allow myself Chipotle (no cheese and light rice) or Millions of Milkshakes (size small Miley or Obama with whip) or both.
WEEKEND EXERCISE
Friday night I go to Barry's Bootcamp because I love this teacher there. Saturday morning I work out together with one of my clients. And Sunday morning I run a 10-12K throughout West Hollywood before noon. I also still walk the dogs everyday for as long as I can. Usually an hour, but all at once.
I feel good with this. It's all adjustable, and if I have school night plans with a friend or work, I'm not freaking out about missing a workout. "It's just life," I say to myself, and what good is a hot body if you can't go out to dinner once in a while to show it off?
Wake up 6AM - 6:30AM
Dog walk for 30 minutes.
90 pushups and 90 crunches
Between 7-8AM
giant glass of black iced coffee
giant glass of green/white mint iced tea (Trader Joes)
2 hard boiled eggs, 1/2 cup turkey chili or 2 tablespoons of three layer hummus in a mini whole wheat tortilla
8:30 AM
Vitamin Water zero
1 giant glass of water
10:45-11AM
8-10 red grapes or a minneola or a tangelo or a blood orange
1 giant glass of water
1PM
Turkey Pepperoni panini sandwich with JR's BBQ Sauce or Emeril's horseradish mustard and lots of mixed greens and crimini mushrooms on low sodium Ezekiel bread
1 giant glass of water
1:15/1:30PM
10 minute dog walk
3:30 PM
Double protein greek yogurt with 1/2 cup mixed frozen berries or blueberries or strawberries and 1/2 cup frozen mango chunks or pineapple chunks plus one splenda packet
1 giant glass of water
5PM
1 red delicious apple
7PM
mixed green salad with lots of lettuce, 2 servings lean chicken, and shredded cabbage with two tablespoons Newman's Own balsamic dressing.
1 giant glass of water
7:20/7:45PM
dog walk
30 minutes
8:15/8:30PM
Barrys Bootcamp or weight lifting at the gym or a 5K run for 45 minutes to an hour
9:30PM
2 scoops chocolate mint Isopure protein powder in 12 oz cold water
10:45PM
Sleep
CARBS
When I have tons of carbs in the morning, I'm finding that I stay in a very normal, good mood all day. And, according to most of my weight management sources, tapering off late in the day is a good idea, so I try to have my last grain-based carbs around 2PM at the latest. Everything else is fruit, which allows me that sweetness I crave late in the day.
BOOZE
Due to my elderly age, I don't drink as much anymore, because it makes me hurt for three days to have more than 2 drinks, and really two drinks hurts a lot for a day. So when I do drink that is reserved for Friday night only so I'm not still crabby and ghostly by Monday.
WEEKEND EATING
On Friday night I eat whatever I want. The same is true all day Saturday and Sunday I'm back on track, but allow myself Chipotle (no cheese and light rice) or Millions of Milkshakes (size small Miley or Obama with whip) or both.
WEEKEND EXERCISE
Friday night I go to Barry's Bootcamp because I love this teacher there. Saturday morning I work out together with one of my clients. And Sunday morning I run a 10-12K throughout West Hollywood before noon. I also still walk the dogs everyday for as long as I can. Usually an hour, but all at once.
I feel good with this. It's all adjustable, and if I have school night plans with a friend or work, I'm not freaking out about missing a workout. "It's just life," I say to myself, and what good is a hot body if you can't go out to dinner once in a while to show it off?
The trick to weight loss you've never heard...
When people have noticed my weight loss in the past, I've always responded with the same self-deprecating joke..."thanks for noticing the tapeworm!"
Sometimes, scratch that, all the time, I've followed a weight loss compliment with a "Well, I'm gettin' there but not quite!" And that's crazy. Why not just enjoy it? The biggest difference this time is that I have simply agreed every single time someone has noticed my shrinkage.
"Wow, Sean, you look great!" they will say to me, and I respond with, "I feel it, thank you." I don't talk about my goal for next month, I ask them if they also noticed my tight cheekbones and my lean thighs, "because that's how I noticed I am losing weight!"
By being an advocate for my own body and my own weight loss I am losing weight and keeping it off. I am beautiful however I look, but my ass is Hella juicy now, and I tell people that. It's the "Yes And" rule of improv. "Sean, you are hot!"
"Yes and I'm sleeping better and running a seven minute mile again and I would totally fuck me!"
And because I don't hate me cause I'm beautiful, and because I see that I am fly, I want to keep eating healthy and living right. And for the first time, managing my weight doesn't feel like a sumo wrestling match. But damn, I'd look good in that outfit, Honey.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Sometimes, scratch that, all the time, I've followed a weight loss compliment with a "Well, I'm gettin' there but not quite!" And that's crazy. Why not just enjoy it? The biggest difference this time is that I have simply agreed every single time someone has noticed my shrinkage.
"Wow, Sean, you look great!" they will say to me, and I respond with, "I feel it, thank you." I don't talk about my goal for next month, I ask them if they also noticed my tight cheekbones and my lean thighs, "because that's how I noticed I am losing weight!"
By being an advocate for my own body and my own weight loss I am losing weight and keeping it off. I am beautiful however I look, but my ass is Hella juicy now, and I tell people that. It's the "Yes And" rule of improv. "Sean, you are hot!"
"Yes and I'm sleeping better and running a seven minute mile again and I would totally fuck me!"
And because I don't hate me cause I'm beautiful, and because I see that I am fly, I want to keep eating healthy and living right. And for the first time, managing my weight doesn't feel like a sumo wrestling match. But damn, I'd look good in that outfit, Honey.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The SEANtra
I am never leaving home again.
My car broke down in Firebaugh, CA yesterday on my way home from the most magical weekend of my life. I was towed to an auto shop in Mendota, which is like Rosarito,Mexico minus the hospitality. The auto shop fixed the car, then it brome down 10 miles after I left they were closed by then, so I had to be towed 80 miles away to Fresno, where I was denied rental car service for not having a utility bill.
I had a Tina Turner moment where I walked into a Holiday Inn at the Fresno airport and said "I have $100 and these shoes, and I am a day late home and I miss my dogs, and my car is broke. And I need a parking space and a room or I will be sleeping in my car in a ditch."
They gave me a room. Thank you team member,Raquel. You are Fresno's finest. Is your brother gay?
Today, I was towed to a Pep Boys to have my car fixed for an additional $500. While I was waiting, I walked to the Nissan dealership 2.5 miles away and began a 10 hour negotiation for a new car that included reimbursement for Sirius radio, a bailout on the Pep Boys repairs, and a fully loaded package.
After signing all the paperwork and agreeing to a price and finance percent, I transferred insurance, and cleaned out the truck, leaving it at pep boys 2.5 miles away.
Then they told me there was a problem.
I needed to put $1500 more down. Which I don't have. I began to cry but held back. I screamed the f word and threatened to call the police. I'd already signed the deal and been given keys. I became my mother. She was on the phone with me while I did it, and later told me she's never been prouder.
And now, I am tpro humble new owner of a Nissan SEANtra, special edition package, all black with moonroof...and buttons that control the windows. I'm rich!
This was a hard couple of days. I felt like I was in the wiz and everyone was either a good witch or a bad witch, and poppys were all over the place trying to shake me down. and by poppys I mean non-preferred tow truck drivers.
I'm so happy to be home more than anything. I missed Ralph and Cricket this trip like never before. And tonight I'm going to sleep well knowing I made it out of Hell (yes, Central California is in fact, Hell), better than when I entered it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
My car broke down in Firebaugh, CA yesterday on my way home from the most magical weekend of my life. I was towed to an auto shop in Mendota, which is like Rosarito,Mexico minus the hospitality. The auto shop fixed the car, then it brome down 10 miles after I left they were closed by then, so I had to be towed 80 miles away to Fresno, where I was denied rental car service for not having a utility bill.
I had a Tina Turner moment where I walked into a Holiday Inn at the Fresno airport and said "I have $100 and these shoes, and I am a day late home and I miss my dogs, and my car is broke. And I need a parking space and a room or I will be sleeping in my car in a ditch."
They gave me a room. Thank you team member,Raquel. You are Fresno's finest. Is your brother gay?
Today, I was towed to a Pep Boys to have my car fixed for an additional $500. While I was waiting, I walked to the Nissan dealership 2.5 miles away and began a 10 hour negotiation for a new car that included reimbursement for Sirius radio, a bailout on the Pep Boys repairs, and a fully loaded package.
After signing all the paperwork and agreeing to a price and finance percent, I transferred insurance, and cleaned out the truck, leaving it at pep boys 2.5 miles away.
Then they told me there was a problem.
I needed to put $1500 more down. Which I don't have. I began to cry but held back. I screamed the f word and threatened to call the police. I'd already signed the deal and been given keys. I became my mother. She was on the phone with me while I did it, and later told me she's never been prouder.
And now, I am tpro humble new owner of a Nissan SEANtra, special edition package, all black with moonroof...and buttons that control the windows. I'm rich!
This was a hard couple of days. I felt like I was in the wiz and everyone was either a good witch or a bad witch, and poppys were all over the place trying to shake me down. and by poppys I mean non-preferred tow truck drivers.
I'm so happy to be home more than anything. I missed Ralph and Cricket this trip like never before. And tonight I'm going to sleep well knowing I made it out of Hell (yes, Central California is in fact, Hell), better than when I entered it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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