Aint Gonna Look The Other Way (Part 1)

By the first week of August in 2003 I was down to 210. I hadn’t weighed that little since 8th grade, and I remember it because my Dad was sort of proud back then about it. He knocked on my door one day while I was staring at WWF magazines full color spread on The Ultimate Warrior. “Hey, Kiddo,” he started. “The Doctor says you weight five pounds more than me! Can I wear your old jeans to work today? Mine are all dirty.”

I don’t remember being upset about this moment. I think I even helped him choose between the Stussy and the Mossimo brand, and he went with the Mossimo because they fit around the ankle better. In junior high school, I really enjoyed the connection we had over clothes and Melrose Place. Most of my girlfriends had a similar connection with their moms.

On the first Saturday of August, I went to LA for the first time since I’d left to lose weight. It was my friends Nick and Andrea’s wedding, but this had been the trip where I’d see Rich for the first time since he destroyed that lady bug and I destroyed that donut shop.

The day I left, I knew the plane would be leaving at 11 AM, so I got up at 7 AM and went for an hour run/walk on my own which I had never done before. Up until this day I had only run on the tread mill or in gym class by force or with Sheila (where you’ll remember she told me I ran like a girl). Though the decision to do this was moderately impulsive, I felt that if I worked out hard today, then maybe when I got off the airplane I would appear even thinner and it would somehow make Richs’ big brown eyes even bigger, and maybe they’d even turn blue like the Crystal Gayle song I’d boogied to in my toddlerhood, because I was so hot in my new size 36 khakis that he couldn’t stand it. So in reality, I am lying. It was quite a calculated decision, and not impulsive at all, this first ever outdoor run.

I made a playlist with my usual 6 songs on it that I would use on the elliptical for 20 minutes at the 24 Hour Shitiness, but the whole time on this run I only listened to Bootylicious on repeat, because I knew this trip was about proving my point. That Rich would in fact, not be ready for my jelly (weight loss). I got all the way from 18th and E to McKinley Park where I ran for about 2 laps. I had never run to McKinley Park alone, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Today was the day I’d finally see Rich again Rich would finally see me again.

I only walked once, when my first generation Real Audio mp3 player ran out of its 45 minutes of battery. On the way home I stopped for breakfast at the swanky Café Bernardo for a sit down breakfast. It was 8 AM, and I was proud of myself for being the only person there because I was up early, and it was a Saturday, and I had already been running and that made me a normal person. I was more than normal. I was healthy, kind of. You know, like a bowl of guacamole.

Part 2