Everything will be fine

I remember working at CPK when I was in my mid-twenties, hawking pizza, pasta and more all over Los Angeles, feeling like just another waiter in LA without much of a future. I was a standup comic, and while respected among my peers, I was also niche because I was gay. So I never liked telling anyone what I did for a living because I didn't excel in my field. I mean, I was a really good waiter--but it was a glorified Chuck E Cheese in Studio City. It wasn't like I was a captain at Boa or a manager at The Ivy. I was just another guy in a fruity tie by day and a tattered beanie with a notebook by night.

I quit when I had a revelation about fitness, that I was better at motivating fat people than Jackie Warner. I retired from bringing dressing on the side and got certified, after failing my test twice, as a personal trainer. I was no Tracy Anderson. My clients were all friends, and I did not have a beautiful body either. By then I was writing a lot more, and hoped to get a book deal with my weight loss story. But I had no experience as a professional writer. Again, I lived in fear of introducing myself and my careers and aspirations. I feared being judged as not the very best in my trades. And in doing so, in not owning my journey, I didn't get better. I got bitter and put on some weight.

But before all of these jobs I worked in broadcasting. I was on the fast track beginning at 17 to run show business as an intern in country radio, then at a record label and several tv shows. I left to go lose all that weight, and when I got back in tv at 30 as an assistant--again I cowered behind my age versus title rank in the equation of success. It was rough...rough...rough. For about a year I hid behind my A.D.D.-ish 20's, and how they were shaping my early 30's.



Sometimes it sucks not being really cool and rich and respected. But at least in this picture, I'm holding the leash.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad