Lunge

The first lunge was something really special.

My trainer demonstrated, "You just walk forward, but bend your back leg down to the ground," he said. "And you know," he waved his finger at me, "the bigger step you take, the less you have to do."

I dropped down, with 201 pounds behind me, and I got down to the hard gym floor of the group exercise room--that part was fine. Getting up, I found was going to require something else. A forklift or a shovel probably.

"C'mon," Danny the Trainer encouraged. It was our first session, so he didn't know how to really piss me off with two, little, innocent words, that ended a sentence. "You can do it, Big Guy.

I hate those two words still. Big Guy. It screams of I don't remember your name, you fat fucking turd, but I need your business.

I put my hand on my front knee and I stood up, and I lunged with the other leg, and then I put my hand on the opposite knee and used that to stand up. I did two lunges.

"Great, but I need you to not use your hands," Danny said. "This is a glute toning exercise, and you need to work-"

"I'm going to throw up."

"Oh, jesus, go get some water!"

I didn't make it to the fountain. I threw up right there on the floor, but after that I did 10 more lunges.

He never forgot my name again, and now I do lunges with 30 pound weights in each hand.


What a tool ------->