I don't get to go this year--but that doesn't stop me from Pay Per View!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Finally the Spin Has COME BACK to SEAN
8:15a Sunday Morning 3/27
Train LA CIENEGA and MELROSE in West Hollywood
S&M/Rihanna
For the First Time/The Script
Written in the Stars/Tinie Tempah
Sure Thing/Miguel
Turn on the Radio/Reba
This I Promise You/N*Sync
Sweet Transvestite/Glee Cast
True/Ryan Cabrera
Brown Eyed Girl/Van Morrison
I'm Coming Out/Diana Ross
No Bullshit/Chris Brown
More/Usher
Cool Down: Step In the Name of Love (Remix)/R. Kelley
Train LA CIENEGA and MELROSE in West Hollywood
S&M/Rihanna
For the First Time/The Script
Written in the Stars/Tinie Tempah
Sure Thing/Miguel
Turn on the Radio/Reba
This I Promise You/N*Sync
Sweet Transvestite/Glee Cast
True/Ryan Cabrera
Brown Eyed Girl/Van Morrison
I'm Coming Out/Diana Ross
No Bullshit/Chris Brown
More/Usher
Cool Down: Step In the Name of Love (Remix)/R. Kelley
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
4:50
In my new job I've been getting up so much earlier than I ever have. Sometimes at ten until five, that'd be 4:50. Yes. 4:50AM. I'm getting up early because now that my life is so regular I want to make sure I'm using the time to write and go for a run or dog walk or a combination thereof. And it's really draining. It's been five weeks and I'm still not used to it. I've always been a morning person, but morning for me was always getting up at around 7:30. This getting up before the sun rises sucks balls.
I don't mind going to bed early. There comes a point in the day that I don't have anything left to contribute. The dishes are drying. The dogs have pottied. Modern Family is a rerun. And I can't see straight anymore. I go to bed then. But then I don't go to sleep. I iPad. I read a book or I think about what it will one day be like to be mayor of Palm Springs. Now it's midnight.
I used to have an Ambien problem, and in the last year I've even used other things that I'm not real proud of to get to sleep. The problem with any kind of sedative is that it makes you tired the next day because the sleep you're getting isn't authentic. Then it's caffeine time at 4:50 AM. And again at 7:50AM, and at 1PM. And 4PM. Oh the crime of it all!
In my dream life I get up at 7:30AM. I nap at 2PM. I go to sleep at midnight. Rinse, and Repeat. But this is the retired life I think. Hey, this isn't such a bad idea...
I don't mind going to bed early. There comes a point in the day that I don't have anything left to contribute. The dishes are drying. The dogs have pottied. Modern Family is a rerun. And I can't see straight anymore. I go to bed then. But then I don't go to sleep. I iPad. I read a book or I think about what it will one day be like to be mayor of Palm Springs. Now it's midnight.
I used to have an Ambien problem, and in the last year I've even used other things that I'm not real proud of to get to sleep. The problem with any kind of sedative is that it makes you tired the next day because the sleep you're getting isn't authentic. Then it's caffeine time at 4:50 AM. And again at 7:50AM, and at 1PM. And 4PM. Oh the crime of it all!
In my dream life I get up at 7:30AM. I nap at 2PM. I go to sleep at midnight. Rinse, and Repeat. But this is the retired life I think. Hey, this isn't such a bad idea...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I WILL
I will have a creative job before I die. I will be 161 pounds and not notice. I will drive a red car. I will fall in love again and this time know it's real. I will enjoy corn. I will be able to have a conversation with my mother that feels normal. I will not have a green room. I will live in a house with a bathroom window. I will get an iPad 2. I will see a good movie that everyone else likes, too. I will have an office of my own. I will get Ralph's teeth professionally cleaned. I will go to Yosemite. I will start beginning sentences with words other than 'I.'
If I say it will happen, it will. I used to say the below, which have happened:
I will learn to not hate meditation. I will learn to drive. I will be on TV. I will lose 100 pounds. I will come out to my parents. I will be published. I will meet Reba. I will replace my shoes. I will find out the truth. I will go to Wrestlemania. I will have anal. I will get an iphone. I will get an iphone 4. I will get an iPad. I will go to Palm Springs. I will forgive them. I will forgive them, too. I will validate my SPG points for a free nights stay. I will have sex with every race at least once to prove I'm not a bigot.
You just have to say it, and Care Bear stare at it, and someday it happens.
If I say it will happen, it will. I used to say the below, which have happened:
I will learn to not hate meditation. I will learn to drive. I will be on TV. I will lose 100 pounds. I will come out to my parents. I will be published. I will meet Reba. I will replace my shoes. I will find out the truth. I will go to Wrestlemania. I will have anal. I will get an iphone. I will get an iphone 4. I will get an iPad. I will go to Palm Springs. I will forgive them. I will forgive them, too. I will validate my SPG points for a free nights stay. I will have sex with every race at least once to prove I'm not a bigot.
You just have to say it, and Care Bear stare at it, and someday it happens.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thick-skinned
No matter how old I get, I never stop worrying that I've hurt someone's feelings or wonder if I lived wrong by somehow not treating someone like I want to be treated. When I know I've fucked up all I want is to make it right--I hate seeing anyone hurting at my expense. And I know people are tough, thick-skinned, probably more than I am. But that doesn't change the fact that causing a frowny face on anyone makes it impossible for me to sleep.
Still, I flip off old people who drive like shit. I gossip at coworkers. I avoid returning a one night stands texts. I cut in line at movies. I argue over customer service. I write jokes about incurable disease. But I'm trying to be better, all the time. And it's becoming easier to say, "will the wisecracks be worth the restless night?". Almost always, the answer is no.
Almost.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Still, I flip off old people who drive like shit. I gossip at coworkers. I avoid returning a one night stands texts. I cut in line at movies. I argue over customer service. I write jokes about incurable disease. But I'm trying to be better, all the time. And it's becoming easier to say, "will the wisecracks be worth the restless night?". Almost always, the answer is no.
Almost.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
My New Favorite
Because he's just so cool, please welcome your next World Heaviweight Champion, ALBERRRTOOO
DEL
RRRIIIOOOOOOOOO!
There is no such thing as free food
I used to have a job where we had free food everyday. Lunch was catered daily, snacks were abundant and exactly what I liked (I bought them for the office), and the drinks were milky and cold. And when we were out of food, we'd go get food out as a group. And I would look around and think, this is the life. This is why I don't work at a Pet store or at a payroll company in Simi Valley.
And then I gained weight, and I talked about it a little and I learned: food is never free.
Food has caloric value, and food came from somewhere that prepared it that cost time and movement. Food makes people bigger when over-consumed and it makes you sick under the same circumstances. Then you need new jeans, or have doctor bills and those cost money--that means the food is not free.
So no matter how poor you are, remember that it doesn't help to stash away for the winter with the free food being placed above you. Just because you're sad, or mad, or angry or bored, or empty doesn't mean that free food will fix it. Just go write for fifteen minutes. And before you know it, it'll be six-o-clock.
And then I gained weight, and I talked about it a little and I learned: food is never free.
Food has caloric value, and food came from somewhere that prepared it that cost time and movement. Food makes people bigger when over-consumed and it makes you sick under the same circumstances. Then you need new jeans, or have doctor bills and those cost money--that means the food is not free.
So no matter how poor you are, remember that it doesn't help to stash away for the winter with the free food being placed above you. Just because you're sad, or mad, or angry or bored, or empty doesn't mean that free food will fix it. Just go write for fifteen minutes. And before you know it, it'll be six-o-clock.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Boo this Way
I find this new Lady Gaga gay anthem to be kind of shitty. There is nothing less sexy than watching gay men lipsynch it at clubs. Truly, I will avoid gay pride this year because I know it will be on a loop of "him or capital H-I-M" (worst. line. ever)
First of all, I don't understand why it's so newsworthy that a white girl from Manhattan is pro-gay. What? She plays piano and was an outcast in high school AND she supports marriage equality? It'd be different if it was like, a housewife of Atlanta who ordained herself for a man on man committment ceremony. Then, I'd be impressed.
But the whole idea of the "Born This Way" or the "It's not a choice" argument is so annoying. I'm an American, God Fucking Damn it. Whether I choose to be gay or not doesn't matter. I'll fuck or engage whatever adult I want, and saying "Why would I choose this life?" repulses me. And when you say "I was born this way" It sounds like you're saying "please don't kick me, I have Cerebral Policy" and I don't think gayness is a handicap. If it is, then I choose Cerebral Palsy.
Being gay is way cool. There are no kids, no earning sex, more vacation time, and a sense of truth you can't get from sizze 38 jeans. Thank you, thank you very much.
Also, the video is dumb. It's Lady Gaga in her underpants dancing for no apparent reason, with weird looking hair and her dumb nose, and no real symbol of LGBT rights other than the gay back up dancers that are IN EVERY VIDEO from Janet Jackson to Michael Buble.
I talked about this last night at my show in Silverlake and the audience became completely uncomfortable and totally silent. Still, I appreciate that they "forgave" me and allowed me to move on to Maya Angelou, (another broad I can't stand) and cause what we in the biz call a KILL (getting really big laughs). I'm shocked though that Gaga has become the "too soon" topic though, and that she's revered as this God-like figure, for doing very little, really for our people.
Grindr and Adam 4 Adam profiles say "BrNTHUSWEY" and other ridiculous things. I mean, gay people are really smitten by her, and maybe it's because she's a mess like our mothers, or has admitted to cocaine use--or maybe it's because she kind of looks like the cool babysitter we had as kids who would let us eat the cookie dough and dance to Tiffany songs. Or maybe her music is good, but I still haven't heard something that was anything more than ok-to-listen-to and pass the time while Howard Stern is on a commercial break.
I don't need nor do I want this woman speaking for me. I hate that when I come out to someone they immediately ask me what row I sat in at her concert, as if she's the new Brokeback Mountain premiere. She's not.
First of all, I don't understand why it's so newsworthy that a white girl from Manhattan is pro-gay. What? She plays piano and was an outcast in high school AND she supports marriage equality? It'd be different if it was like, a housewife of Atlanta who ordained herself for a man on man committment ceremony. Then, I'd be impressed.
But the whole idea of the "Born This Way" or the "It's not a choice" argument is so annoying. I'm an American, God Fucking Damn it. Whether I choose to be gay or not doesn't matter. I'll fuck or engage whatever adult I want, and saying "Why would I choose this life?" repulses me. And when you say "I was born this way" It sounds like you're saying "please don't kick me, I have Cerebral Policy" and I don't think gayness is a handicap. If it is, then I choose Cerebral Palsy.
Being gay is way cool. There are no kids, no earning sex, more vacation time, and a sense of truth you can't get from sizze 38 jeans. Thank you, thank you very much.
Also, the video is dumb. It's Lady Gaga in her underpants dancing for no apparent reason, with weird looking hair and her dumb nose, and no real symbol of LGBT rights other than the gay back up dancers that are IN EVERY VIDEO from Janet Jackson to Michael Buble.
I talked about this last night at my show in Silverlake and the audience became completely uncomfortable and totally silent. Still, I appreciate that they "forgave" me and allowed me to move on to Maya Angelou, (another broad I can't stand) and cause what we in the biz call a KILL (getting really big laughs). I'm shocked though that Gaga has become the "too soon" topic though, and that she's revered as this God-like figure, for doing very little, really for our people.
Grindr and Adam 4 Adam profiles say "BrNTHUSWEY" and other ridiculous things. I mean, gay people are really smitten by her, and maybe it's because she's a mess like our mothers, or has admitted to cocaine use--or maybe it's because she kind of looks like the cool babysitter we had as kids who would let us eat the cookie dough and dance to Tiffany songs. Or maybe her music is good, but I still haven't heard something that was anything more than ok-to-listen-to and pass the time while Howard Stern is on a commercial break.
I don't need nor do I want this woman speaking for me. I hate that when I come out to someone they immediately ask me what row I sat in at her concert, as if she's the new Brokeback Mountain premiere. She's not.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The True Story of Wrestlemania
24 DAYS! It's almost time. And this will get you going! McMahon is in tears!
Sunday, March 6, 2011
The Gay Rainbow - Jimmy Nguyen
http://sdgln.com/commentary/2011/03/05/commentary-gaysians-are-beautiful
An attorney and editorial writer, Jimmy Nguyen has written the above article that came across my desk this week and left me feeling a little disturbed. Jimmy has identified a problem in the gay community:
the gay world has a mixed relationship with race.
OK. Fair enough. Where does Jimmy think this comes from, though? Could it have anything to do with the fact that race has a mixed relationship with gay? He believes that the ideal man throughout our country is viewed unfairly as white, which in a world of the Rock, Derek Jeter, Harry Shum, and Bruno Mars is an outdated observation. And While Nguyen admits to not having any statistical evidence to his claim, or to a consensus that gay men are mostly attracted to white guys, he's written a piece with a challenge to the gay community to start looking within people to find inner beauty before tossing someone into the slush pile. The problem, is that we all like what we like. And the smarter, cooler, kinder people like a little more, while the dumber, gayer, and bitchier are more closed-minded, but that's their loss. His article seems to be in trying to broker some sort of treaty with horrible people to like him more.
Nguyen also admits that he generally has a fetish for white guys, and that he doesn't fit into the Asian stereotypes that he has proclaimed as being skinny, submissive, effeminate and like rice. I can tell you that I have been around gay Asian men since I came out and none of them have been this stereotype, but do I detect a tiny amount of misogyny, not racism here? That being effeminate, more lady-like, is the actual problem?
He has said he doesn't fit the stereotypes of his Asian brothers because he is fiercely independent and muscular, and I think this is the point in the article when I began to cringe.
I am not perfect looking like the white Adonis Nguyen seems to secretly idealize but also view as being the man the media and gay society have anointed as the end all, be all beauty. I have weird skin from my weight loss. My hair has started to gain a little gray. I'm 5' 10" and I have size 13 feet. I rarely trim my pubes. I often times don't wear shoes. I make OK money but nothing special, and I have a green bedroom. But if for one second I felt like I wasn't getting laid over these imperfections, I would have to have a serious conversation with myself before making a suggestion to the gay community that we re-classify our priorities.
I've dated Asian guys and White guys and Black guys. I had a boyfriend with one nut once. I also was really into a guy who worked at Starbucks for a while and had nothing but a child support payment to work off. This wasn't because he was Latino. I was into him because he laughed at my jokes, had a big weiner, and was a project I could fix. I didn't date the Asian guy because he was either effeminate or independent. I dated him because he was hot and he was funny. The black guy I dated liked good music. The white guy was really kind and he looked like a cross between Ben Stiller and Prince William and at that time, I found that smokin hot. We like what we like when we like it. You cant find any data on this because there isn't any, because it's not so simple as to say White guys just aren't into Asians because there's never been an Asian Superman.
I guess my point is, if your call to action is only dated at the white guys you see at AIDS fundraisers, Equinox, and Cherry Pop or Basix, you're missing out on the type of men who actually matter. The Silverlake gays who take care of their mommas, the newly out Asian guy who moved here from Daly City to be an engineer and has a tattoo on his leg, and the black guy who designs video games aren't going to the places where the popular kids go. They don't give a shit about raising money for the WeHo city council. They live in a bigger world. And they're more fun, anyway.
And further, if you believe the problem is that gay men "need" to embrace a more universal sense of beauty, then you're no different than the Fundamentalist Christian who thinks people "need" to stop being gay. We are all into what we are into. If a White guy wants a guy who looks exactly like him, then great. One less I have to deal with at Crunch. If an ex military bottom wants a really butch guy who wears Dock Martins to foot-fist him, well then fabulous. But if what you want doesn't want you back, you just have to start looking elsewhere and quit fighting something that will never treat you with the respect and love and devotion you truly deserve and desire.
To all of the Asian guys out there who feel discriminated in the dating pool, I say this to you: I love you (and not just because you're Asian), and trust me, you don't want these closed-minded fags anyway. They're so much drama. They tan too much. They like shitty music. And they will bail as soon as the going gets tough. Outside of that hot night of drunken sex they're having with your white "wing man" instead of you, a real relationship either gay or straight is not about race or fetish. It's about trust, and grocery bills, and turning the bathroom fan on, and holding each other when a parent dies. In those moments being fat, femme, or Asian doesn't fucking matter.
An attorney and editorial writer, Jimmy Nguyen has written the above article that came across my desk this week and left me feeling a little disturbed. Jimmy has identified a problem in the gay community:
the gay world has a mixed relationship with race.
OK. Fair enough. Where does Jimmy think this comes from, though? Could it have anything to do with the fact that race has a mixed relationship with gay? He believes that the ideal man throughout our country is viewed unfairly as white, which in a world of the Rock, Derek Jeter, Harry Shum, and Bruno Mars is an outdated observation. And While Nguyen admits to not having any statistical evidence to his claim, or to a consensus that gay men are mostly attracted to white guys, he's written a piece with a challenge to the gay community to start looking within people to find inner beauty before tossing someone into the slush pile. The problem, is that we all like what we like. And the smarter, cooler, kinder people like a little more, while the dumber, gayer, and bitchier are more closed-minded, but that's their loss. His article seems to be in trying to broker some sort of treaty with horrible people to like him more.
Nguyen also admits that he generally has a fetish for white guys, and that he doesn't fit into the Asian stereotypes that he has proclaimed as being skinny, submissive, effeminate and like rice. I can tell you that I have been around gay Asian men since I came out and none of them have been this stereotype, but do I detect a tiny amount of misogyny, not racism here? That being effeminate, more lady-like, is the actual problem?
He has said he doesn't fit the stereotypes of his Asian brothers because he is fiercely independent and muscular, and I think this is the point in the article when I began to cringe.
I am not perfect looking like the white Adonis Nguyen seems to secretly idealize but also view as being the man the media and gay society have anointed as the end all, be all beauty. I have weird skin from my weight loss. My hair has started to gain a little gray. I'm 5' 10" and I have size 13 feet. I rarely trim my pubes. I often times don't wear shoes. I make OK money but nothing special, and I have a green bedroom. But if for one second I felt like I wasn't getting laid over these imperfections, I would have to have a serious conversation with myself before making a suggestion to the gay community that we re-classify our priorities.
I've dated Asian guys and White guys and Black guys. I had a boyfriend with one nut once. I also was really into a guy who worked at Starbucks for a while and had nothing but a child support payment to work off. This wasn't because he was Latino. I was into him because he laughed at my jokes, had a big weiner, and was a project I could fix. I didn't date the Asian guy because he was either effeminate or independent. I dated him because he was hot and he was funny. The black guy I dated liked good music. The white guy was really kind and he looked like a cross between Ben Stiller and Prince William and at that time, I found that smokin hot. We like what we like when we like it. You cant find any data on this because there isn't any, because it's not so simple as to say White guys just aren't into Asians because there's never been an Asian Superman.
I guess my point is, if your call to action is only dated at the white guys you see at AIDS fundraisers, Equinox, and Cherry Pop or Basix, you're missing out on the type of men who actually matter. The Silverlake gays who take care of their mommas, the newly out Asian guy who moved here from Daly City to be an engineer and has a tattoo on his leg, and the black guy who designs video games aren't going to the places where the popular kids go. They don't give a shit about raising money for the WeHo city council. They live in a bigger world. And they're more fun, anyway.
And further, if you believe the problem is that gay men "need" to embrace a more universal sense of beauty, then you're no different than the Fundamentalist Christian who thinks people "need" to stop being gay. We are all into what we are into. If a White guy wants a guy who looks exactly like him, then great. One less I have to deal with at Crunch. If an ex military bottom wants a really butch guy who wears Dock Martins to foot-fist him, well then fabulous. But if what you want doesn't want you back, you just have to start looking elsewhere and quit fighting something that will never treat you with the respect and love and devotion you truly deserve and desire.
To all of the Asian guys out there who feel discriminated in the dating pool, I say this to you: I love you (and not just because you're Asian), and trust me, you don't want these closed-minded fags anyway. They're so much drama. They tan too much. They like shitty music. And they will bail as soon as the going gets tough. Outside of that hot night of drunken sex they're having with your white "wing man" instead of you, a real relationship either gay or straight is not about race or fetish. It's about trust, and grocery bills, and turning the bathroom fan on, and holding each other when a parent dies. In those moments being fat, femme, or Asian doesn't fucking matter.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
David Levithan
I just interviewed David Levithan for the Lambda Review on his new book, The Lover's Dictionary. Look for the interview soon. It was a wonderful book that you can buy right here.
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