The Gay Rainbow - Jimmy Nguyen

http://sdgln.com/commentary/2011/03/05/commentary-gaysians-are-beautiful

An attorney and editorial writer, Jimmy Nguyen has written the above article that came across my desk this week and left me feeling a little disturbed. Jimmy has identified a problem in the gay community:

the gay world has a mixed relationship with race.

OK. Fair enough. Where does Jimmy think this comes from, though? Could it have anything to do with the fact that race has a mixed relationship with gay? He believes that the ideal man throughout our country is viewed unfairly as white, which in a world of the Rock, Derek Jeter, Harry Shum, and Bruno Mars is an outdated observation. And While Nguyen admits to not having any statistical evidence to his claim, or to a consensus that gay men are mostly attracted to white guys, he's written a piece with a challenge to the gay community to start looking within people to find inner beauty before tossing someone into the slush pile. The problem, is that we all like what we like. And the smarter, cooler, kinder people like a little more, while the dumber, gayer, and bitchier are more closed-minded, but that's their loss. His article seems to be in trying to broker some sort of treaty with horrible people to like him more.

Nguyen also admits that he generally has a fetish for white guys, and that he doesn't fit into the Asian stereotypes that he has proclaimed as being skinny, submissive, effeminate and like rice. I can tell you that I have been around gay Asian men since I came out and none of them have been this stereotype, but do I detect a tiny amount of misogyny, not racism here? That being effeminate, more lady-like, is the actual problem?

He has said he doesn't fit the stereotypes of his Asian brothers because he is fiercely independent and muscular, and I think this is the point in the article when I began to cringe.

I am not perfect looking like the white Adonis Nguyen seems to secretly idealize but also view as being the man the media and gay society have anointed as the end all, be all beauty. I have weird skin from my weight loss. My hair has started to gain a little gray. I'm 5' 10" and I have size 13 feet. I rarely trim my pubes. I often times don't wear shoes. I make OK money but nothing special, and I have a green bedroom. But if for one second I felt like I wasn't getting laid over these imperfections, I would have to have a serious conversation with myself before making a suggestion to the gay community that we re-classify our priorities.

I've dated Asian guys and White guys and Black guys. I had a boyfriend with one nut once. I also was really into a guy who worked at Starbucks for a while and had nothing but a child support payment to work off. This wasn't because he was Latino. I was into him because he laughed at my jokes, had a big weiner, and was a project I could fix. I didn't date the Asian guy because he was either effeminate or independent. I dated him because he was hot and he was funny. The black guy I dated liked good music. The white guy was really kind and he looked like a cross between Ben Stiller and Prince William and at that time, I found that smokin hot. We like what we like when we like it. You cant find any data on this because there isn't any, because it's not so simple as to say White guys just aren't into Asians because there's never been an Asian Superman.

I guess my point is, if your call to action is only dated at the white guys you see at AIDS fundraisers, Equinox, and Cherry Pop or Basix, you're missing out on the type of men who actually matter. The Silverlake gays who take care of their mommas, the newly out Asian guy who moved here from Daly City to be an engineer and has a tattoo on his leg, and the black guy who designs video games aren't going to the places where the popular kids go. They don't give a shit about raising money for the WeHo city council. They live in a bigger world. And they're more fun, anyway.

And further, if you believe the problem is that gay men "need" to embrace a more universal sense of beauty, then you're no different than the Fundamentalist Christian who thinks people "need" to stop being gay. We are all into what we are into. If a White guy wants a guy who looks exactly like him, then great. One less I have to deal with at Crunch. If an ex military bottom wants a really butch guy who wears Dock Martins to foot-fist him, well then fabulous. But if what you want doesn't want you back, you just have to start looking elsewhere and quit fighting something that will never treat you with the respect and love and devotion you truly deserve and desire.

To all of the Asian guys out there who feel discriminated in the dating pool, I say this to you: I love you (and not just because you're Asian), and trust me, you don't want these closed-minded fags anyway. They're so much drama. They tan too much. They like shitty music. And they will bail as soon as the going gets tough. Outside of that hot night of drunken sex they're having with your white "wing man" instead of you, a real relationship either gay or straight is not about race or fetish. It's about trust, and grocery bills, and turning the bathroom fan on, and holding each other when a parent dies. In those moments being fat, femme, or Asian doesn't fucking matter.