I have a renewed angry, offensive joyfulness to share.

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What is your moment?

My goal in 2011 is to have more of these. What's your defining life moment? (BTW, we are just 33 days away from Wrestlemania 27).

Get there

I just don't love sex. I like it fine, but I don't love it. It's like that show Cougartown. If it's on my TiVo for the first five minutes after Modern Family, sure, I'll watch. I'll roll my eyes mostly and remember why I only do it for four minutes.

I find the process to be tedious. If I'm on a date, and it goes well, does that mean we see where it goes and get naked? Or should I adopt female-driven, hetero-judeo-christian norms and play hard to get (and call an fbuddy after he drops me off). If I don't like the guy, is that more reason to hook up, and then never call again? "sorry, I just work a tonnnnnnnn!"

Then there's the cuddling. I'm not a huge cuddler post sex unless I'm in love. I more want to play Scrabble on the iPad in silence. ("stop moaning and eating my ass! I can't keep shuffling these letters god damn it") I also don't typically want a sleepover unless I know ill be getting a long nap the next day because I worry all night about the safety of my wallet.

Here's what I like: clothing removal, and the end. I prefer simultaneous endings so neither me or my man have to act like live phone sex operators to help the other forget his mommy issues and GET THERE.

Then I like a clean towel, which you rarely find in travel, which is why i don't tend to visit the homes of others unless they are famous out gay authors or out gay pop music icons who appreciate fine linens and dark eyeliner (no, not you George Michael! I'll host!).

And regardless of if it was good or bad, I want a kind smile, and a text that says, "thanks, that was really fun.". Because that's what sex should be: fun. Then over, for the next fun activity, which right now is going to be a brownie and sleepy time tea.

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Location:N Sweetzer Ave,Los Angeles,United States

Crash

I have a recurring dream where I am in a single-engine plane flying above Point Bonita, just outside San Francisco, and I am drunk. I am the co-pilot, and the other pilot is a clown with a Rainbow colored wig and a bloody mouth. He is laughing too hard, like he is stoned or just evil or both.

We are going to crash, not into the water, but the rocky area where the lighthouse sits. There are beached seals with bright blue dead eyes waiting for me to crash, so that I may be like them: sedentary, fat, old school.

When I awake I have indigestion. I ate too much the night before.

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Location:N Sweetzer Ave,Los Angeles,United States

You can't get a man with a gun

My dad and I went to the Sacramento Valley Shooting range yesterday and had such fun time together. He's a big gun-toted now, which freaks me the fuck out. I remembered though, that I was nAturally really dope at rifle shooting in cub scouts though, so we spent the morning shooting targets. I even used a .357 Magnum and this is what I did to that son of a bitch.

I've never seen my dad this happy, and I spent most of the six hour drive back to LA wiping tears away from my eyes over that.

Not since I finished college have I seen my dad take so many pictures. We talked so much, too. Perfect weather. I learned so much about safety and posture and technique, but the best part was seeing dad smile at the son who is a natural born killer.


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Home on the (shooting) range

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Unshaking

The last month has been insane. I have been contemplating so much change. I took a new job after so much thought over where I want to live and what I want to be doing. Do I want medical benefits or do I want the glamourous life? Do I miss my nieces and nephews and psedudo brothers and sisters enough to move home and work at Starbucks? Should I move to Los Feliz or closer to my new job or to Bakersfield to buy a home? Should the dogs switch to Revolution from Comfortis?

The truth is, I miss home. A lot. I think eventually I want to go back and live there and get the doggies a yard. I want to be an 11 in a C level gay town. I want to work at the governors office in advocacy. I want to have a picnic with free parking.

But I have unfinished business here.

I'm headed home tonight with the kids (woof!) with a quick stop in Yosemite to find Sheridan and ask why he didn't react better to Oprah. (how fucking crazy is Season 25 Behind the Scenes?!?). Maybe this trip will help me decide what I want to do.

I read a line from I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings last night that really hit me: of all the needs a lonely child has, the one that must be satisfied...is the unshaking need for an unshakable God.

I'm that lonely child right now. But there is hope.

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World

In my dream world, I don't even live in Los Angeles.

I live in the Elliot Building in Downtown Sacramento, in a fourth floor loft with windows that face the Memorial Auditorium, where I saw Muppets On Ice. I walk the dogs all the way to Mckinley Park and back everyday. I date a guy who works in politics or law, who holds my hand during dinner at Mikuni or Ernestos. And we discuss today's Howard Stern.

I make Northern California my Maine, a central character and muse like Stephen King has. Under stars I can see, I feel like I'm worth something. Fifteen miles away from my parents I feel I have an identity that I don't have to explain. In my perfect world, my nieces and nephews know my name, not where I work or what I do.

I have a nice life. Frills come every so often but that's what keeps them frills. I have electronic window shades and a Nissan Juke. And I laugh, too. I'm not always the funny one. Driving is a pleasure down highway 50 to Folsom Lake, not the nightmare of the 405.

After 11 years, I'm ready to feel my breath again. I'm ready to sleep and ready to wake up. In my ideal world, I'm back home.


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August 8 at Purple Onion!

We just finalized the date for my show at the Purple Onion in San Francisco!
August 8 at 8:30 PM.
Yippee!

More on the Purple Onion:
The Purple Onion has been an icon in the history of San Francisco for over fifty years. In the 1950′s and 1960′s, this cellar nightclub was vital to the legendary stand-up scene in North Beach. Such legends as Phyllis Diller and the Smothers Brothers got their start here, and comedy luminaries like Woody Allen, Richard Pryor, and Lenny Bruce performed here as well.

The Caged Bird

I thought I wanted to type a blog but I really just want to listen. So I am going to go read. Though I avoided it for years, I am finally reading I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou and as much as I know my friends and coworkers will hate this, I absolutely love this book. It is so my kind of Precious/The Color Purple/Native Son type of read. The sentences are more beautiful than the gardens at The Getty Museum, and on every page I'm reminded how much more spiritual we are as children. I hope if you haven't read it that one day you will. I want to have a book clubbing about it.


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Show Friday

I'm reading an all new story about 6th grade "SEAN GETS PUT ON THE AGENDA" this Friday at 7:30 Inside MimodaStudio at Paper or Plastik Cafe
5772 W. Pico Blvd. Los Angeles 90010 on Pico east of Fairfax at Ogden (street parking).

The show is called Word Salad and it's $5. Produced by Ms. Lora Cain.

It's the first chunk from my new show, Root Canal!

My New Show

So I'm writing a new show right now that is currently titled "Root Canal" that I will be performing in August. Some really talented people are helping me put it together by offering notes, jokes, direction and production. It's something very different for me but I've never had so much fun writing and collaborating. We have secured three show dates in Sacramento, San Francisco and LA.

I think the most fun part of the process has been reuniting with my San Francisco comedy friends and Los Angeles TV friends to make it really, really funny and sleek all at the same time. It feels like a really good excuse to catch up and relive some of the awesome failures of my life and make fun of them, and I'm really, really excited to show it to you this summer.
:)

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