I WILL

I will have a creative job before I die. I will be 161 pounds and not notice. I will drive a red car. I will fall in love again and this time know it's real. I will enjoy corn. I will be able to have a conversation with my mother that feels normal. I will not have a green room. I will live in a house with a bathroom window. I will get an iPad 2. I will see a good movie that everyone else likes, too. I will have an office of my own. I will get Ralph's teeth professionally cleaned. I will go to Yosemite. I will start beginning sentences with words other than 'I.'

If I say it will happen, it will. I used to say the below, which have happened:

I will learn to not hate meditation. I will learn to drive. I will be on TV. I will lose 100 pounds. I will come out to my parents. I will be published. I will meet Reba. I will replace my shoes. I will find out the truth. I will go to Wrestlemania. I will have anal. I will get an iphone. I will get an iphone 4. I will get an iPad. I will go to Palm Springs. I will forgive them. I will forgive them, too. I will validate my SPG points for a free nights stay. I will have sex with every race at least once to prove I'm not a bigot.

You just have to say it, and Care Bear stare at it, and someday it happens.