DWTS

I've never watched this program Dancing With The Stars. It looks silly. It seems like the kind of show my grandparents would have really hated, but watched anyway, because they'd already seen the rerun of Mash on the opposing channel 100 times.

But I had to watch last night, because I root for Margaret Cho at everything she does. She is me in so many ways, having grown up fat in Northern California and funny and coming into her own even though at times it seems subversive. But this show Dancing With The Stars is awful. It makes Circus of the Stars look contemporary. What follows are my play-by-play Facebook updates from my first viewing of the show, and last night's 11th season (good God!) premiere. Thank Jesu for TiVo.

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The acting in porn is more compelling and believable than the interviews and judging on dancing with the stars.

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I guarantee you Kurt Warner beats his kids with a brass bible, and this is the worst dancing I've ever seen.

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How horrified is Lacey Schwimmer by her fat nobody dance partner? This is brilliant.

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I would do Rick Fox...

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I think I saw the band on dancing with the stars play at the embassy suites in south lake tahoe back in 1982, when they were just getting good.

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Someone needs to dab the sweat off rick fox before people confuse him with Whitney Houston.

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I love Margaret Cho.

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How is it fair that Brandy can be on this show? She's a pop star who dances for a living (or did for 10 minutes in 1998 at least).

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I hope this French guy judge on Dancing With The Stars dies during auto erotic choking.

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Bristol, honey, there is no way you could embarrass your mom as much as she has my country.

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Is anyone going to explain to me why Jamie Lee Curtis is sitting in the front row at dancing with the stars? And can she please cross her legs? I don't want to know if the rumors are true.

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I haven't seen Florence Henderson look so uncomfortable dancing with a gay guy since she was married to Mike Brady.

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How many times during those twirls do you think Florence Henderson pottied herself?

(My friend Josh replied, "Depends." Haha.)

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When Michael Bolton washes the make-up off his face he shall be Susan Boyle.

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My dog cricket, who is a chihuhua, has a bigger penis than The Situation.

(My friend Andrea noted, "does cricket have the herpes too?")

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How long before Jennifer gray makes a "Patrick swayze, I miss you" reference...oh there it is. (By the way, they hated each other during the making of the film. i saw it on an old episode of Donahue)

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I'd say hasselhoff has a boner but I think he's too drunk.

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Text VOTE to 3405 for Margaret. She's the real deal. Goodnight, Nerds!