Purple

My favorite color is purple.  I love the book The Color Purple.  I think it's my favorite book.  Sometimes I feel like Celie.  Sometimes I feel like Harpo.  I used to feel like Mister.  Most of the time I'm Sofia, though.  I like the smell of lavender.  That's purple.  My iPod is purple.  My favorite button down shirts are purple.  One is electric purple and one is light purple. I want to have an eggplant colored room one day.  My favorite Otter Pop was Alexander the Grape.  That's purple, too.

If I were a king I'd have a traditional purple cape.  I'd probably do a yellow pattern on it, but I' be more concerned that it be the color of a stuffed Barney factory.  When I was a kid, I wore purple t-shirts, but I wa sfat and all my friends called me Grimace, because McDonalds had that big fat purple sidekick to Ronald McDonald.  I didn't care though.  Purple can be slimming--especially if it's dark.  Janet Jackson wears big purple jackets sometimes that are long and cover her ass.  She wears those when shes having a fat day. 

Bruises are purple sometimes.  When they're purple that's when they are the most painful, especially if they are dark purple.  When the shade gets lighter it's healing.  When it's green, it's almost gone, but it had to be purple to get there.  You can't be hurt without going through some deep boysenberry pie-colored skin.  So when you're going through that pain, go stick the end of a whip cream bottle in your mouth.  You've earned it.  You have an ow-ie. 

A lot of sex can be purple, too.  When you're really turned on, sometimes the ends of your ding-a-ling can turn purplish.  Wouldn't it be such a turn-off to announce to your partner, "Wanna get purp-ly?"  Yeah.  It'd be a turn off to most.  I'd say, "Sure!" Because I have purple Condoms.  I use Durex!

Purple is feminine and I kinda dig that.  It's not pink, which to me is the color that is all wrong.  Pink is for fruity lamps with fur on the end.  Barbies wear pink.  Even Richard Simmons doesn't wear pink anymore.  Pink has taken on a cutesy, helpless quality.  It's the color "Juicy" is written in on the back of sweatpants.  Ick.  I wanna barf. 

Good thing I drank way to many purple hooter shooters tonight.  They'll look great in my toilet bowl!

(See Lewis Carroll, anyone can write nonsense)