Does He Love You? (Part 3)

“Seanny. My asthma’s getting bad. I need to go home. Are you going to be ok?”

“Fine," I said, angrily. I was terrified of hearing Nate and Renee have sex and I knew Ashley knew it. “Go.”

“Seanny-you’ll be ok.” She said. “Your friends are here for you.”

“It’s ok.” I said. “See you at Christmas.” I knew how to guilt from a very young age.

“Seanny.” She hugged me, and I didn’t hug back. I looked at Heather, who had finally passed out, Maggie was reading a bible study guide with a flashlight and nodding fast and smiling. My friends were not fucking here for me. They were all drunk and fucking each other, or they were sharing an inside joke with Jesus.

***

Nate and Renee giggled all night long between slurping sounds. I lay on my side wide awake, pissed, but my dick was hard listening to them, which made me think I had a medical problem. I decided two things were for sure.

First, I will leave tomorrow, and never come back to this town of freaks.

Second, I will not attend Nate and Renee's wedding because if they decide to get married, I would destroy them on their special day with a vengeful glee.

Yes, that's right. I would destroy them. I would fart in the cake. Or I would gore it like a Minotaur just before the reception (and eat whatever I got on myself). Or I would tell each of them separately that the other had herpes--just moments before they walked the aisle. I'd advise them to watch the way the other walks if they didn't believe me. You can see STD's in the way someone walks, I'd say.

Oh, and third (I thought if I said I had learned three things earlier you'd get bored), I decided that my angry fantasizing was not in vein. I thought of Reba’s video for “Does He Love You” where she makes her cheating lover's boat explode while he’s on it with his mistress, Linda Davis. He deserved it. Watch the video. You'll see. I lay there in that tent imitating her signature husband-murdering, lippy grin, and pictured Nate and Renee’s boat blowing up, then saving Nate from drowning with my hot, half-naked muscular body that I’d be building in Nashville, starting tomorrow.

Click on this and scroll to 3:25 to see what I mean, the crazy grin is at 4:07